i miss my dad today. my step-mother - who i am very close to - has announced that she is marrying a man. my father died on april fools day 1999, five months before aimee and i were getting married. it turns your world upside down to lose a parent - i don't know if it's any easier if you are not still a kid yourself, but i suspect it is at least different. i loved my dad very much - even though we had a lot of horrible history and he could be a pretty bad guy. he had a heart that wanted to be kind and gentle and compassionate. i hope that i am the realization of his heart's dream: a gentle, kind, compassionate man. anyway, i miss him today because as my mom gets married, the goodbye is that much more real. it's that much more proof that he is gone and he's never coming back. he will never meet his new grandchild that will come in july. that child will know a different grandfather. i will never hear him say that he is proud of me. it wasn't something i never heard in life, but i can't help but feel like the "cult" that i helped start would show him the true fruit of my life, that my wife and baby would be loved by him, that the fact that i have made my way in life would mean something to him...


man, my blog is sure getting depressing...sorry about that.....

8:59 AM