living with ocd and tourette's syndrome

sometimes i feel like smashing everything around me - windows, lights, glasses, plates - anything breakable. i have this itch inside me that threatens to drive me crazy. it's like if i don't move my face or hands or shoulders or legs just right the world might end and or my family might die. i don't have a choice about what i do or how i do it. my body is not my own. i'm so tired. i wish i didn't have to give so much of my energy to trying to be normal and not hurt, scare, or embarrass the ones i love. i think that's why the depression comes. imagine life with no rest and no outlet for just being who you are - warts and all. and then imagine that even the ones who know about your warts still judge your actions as if you were perfectly normal - like them. nobody knows the turmoil and the mental and physical toll that ocd and tourette's takes on a person. it's not just the syndromes - it's controlling the tics and the obsessions. imagine being on a treadmill 24/7 - in your mind. imagine never resting because if you do the tics might get really bad. imagine that your life gets stressed enough that you don't have the energy to control the tics and they start getting really bad. it just sucks. i will fixate on something for so long - as if my life depends on it - and then one day i will have a moment of clarity and realize how dumb it is and just drop it. all of that time wasted on obsession.

the rage knows no boundaries...

11:32 AM