well - here i am again, late at night writing on the computer! another one of my guys relapsed tonight and that is always so time consuming. if i didn't know that this is what god wanted me to do, i would be so out of here....

it is frustrating, painful, and annoying to deal with this, but i think most of all i just want to see these guys succeed so badly that it is always a real blow when they don't. keep praying out there and we'll keep trying - i have to believe in miracles!

11:37 PM

well, we're all packed up and ready to leave at six in the morning!

we're going to visit my grandmother so she can see shaun before she gets too senile from the alzheimer's disease. i'm really sad about that - i love my grandmother a lot. i guess it's just the circle of life, right? i think she's ready to go home anyway so i guess i should be happy for her in some strange way....

anyway, we're also going to see chris and laura while we're in amarillo, so that will be cool. i'll try to write from the road!!

11:03 PM

can i just say that internet explorer sucks! if you want a decent browser, go get firefox. it's a much better looking and working browser...better yet, switch to a mac or linux box!!

i'm really not a snob, i'm just sick of dealing with all the problems in ie.....

1:12 PM

been spending a little time with my favorite girl today...it's been great!

by the way, if anybody out there has an extra copy of ilife '04, i could sure use it...iphoto 2.0 can't do batch functions....that sucks!

1:19 PM

so for those of you who care about my journey to better health, here is some sad information (at least for me). we bought a nice digital scale to replace the ancient one we were using and it turns out that i am not 325 as the old scale said, but 342! i've got a lot more work to do than i thought! i'm up for the challenge, but it's just amazing that i have let myself go so badly...i'm ready to be able to bend over and tie my shoes, walk somewhere without being winded, play with my little girl when she's old enough, and just be a normal sized guy for once in my life. pray for me when you get a chance - i really want to keep doing the right thing to get healthy...

11:07 AM

man it's hard leaving my little girl to go to work. i would love to be mr. mom, but i would never be as good as aimee is. when shaun is fussy, all she has to do is hear her momma's voice and she calms right down. i have really enjoyed hearing aimee sing so much - her voice is so pure and sweet. she sings an old gaelic song that my mother sang to me and now she sings to shaun. it's really beautiful and sad, but shaun loves it.

so, just a shout out to my wonderful, beautiful, talented wife - you are a great mother even if you don't read my blog!

10:35 AM

i love this picture! she is so cute!

1:30 PM

two of a kind!!

1:27 PM

just sitting here listening to my new garden state soundtrack compliments of justin. thanks!

it's pretty cool just to get something fun and free for no reason and that is what justin did...he just bought it and had it sent to me. what a nice surprise.

5:05 PM

last night shaun slept through the night and quite a bit of the morning. it was wonderful! aimee was able to get up and get a shower before she got up and we weren't scrambling and handing her back and forth as i tried to get out the door. i love that little girl! oh, and her momma!

berryhill came by for about an hour yesterday...that coupled with finding a cache of forgotten old harbor pictures brought back a lot of memories...old friends, fun times, excitement about starting something new...sometimes i miss those times and sometimes i'm glad that they are gone. but to be really honest, i'm only glad they are gone because now is so good. i still miss some of the relationships. for a while it was sean, danny, me, and the berryhills and that was a kind of family - we were always there doing something, planning something, eating something, playing something with landon, delanie, parker, and tyler...or having great conversations with shelly and/or john...

anyway, much love to you berryhills out there - we miss you in our lives (even though john drives us crazy :))

9:05 AM

i forgot to post that i have lost two more pounds as of yesterday. i started weighing a whopping 355! i have never struggled with my weight, i just kept putting it on and putting it on....

i now weigh 328 and i'm going for a svelte 185. i'm actually not that concerned with the numbers, i just want to be healthy and whole and i'm going to get there for aimee and shaun.

send up some prayers for self-discipline and time management so i can continue to eat whole foods that are good for me and not packaged, processed crap that got me where i am today....thanks.

11:25 AM

ah - back to work from the long weekend. i was pretty depressed yesterday thinking about coming back to this place. it just sucks the life right out of me!

on another note, my grandmother called me last night to tell me that she has alzheimers disease. it's surreal to hear somebody tell you that. it's almost like knowing that you are dying soon. she is handling it pretty well. i'm really sad because i love her a lot. she was a big part of my life growing up and i owe a lot of who i am to her. anyway, positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated - her name is daisy.

8:51 AM

today was aimee and my 5 year anniversary. We have known each other for 11 years, but we've been married for 5. I knew just a few months after we met and started dating that i wanted to spend my life with her. she is the best thing that has ever happened to me - my best friend for sure.

today we left shaun for the first time with jim and betty and went to brunch and a movie. it was really fun and we really enjoyed being alone with each other. we got back and it was totally great to see shaun...we missed her!

i wanted to post the song that i wrote for aimee when we got married. i wrote this the night before we were married and sang it at the reception. i haven't sung it since. last night i told our story to everyone at bomar street and then sang the song for her. we both cried and laughed - it's been an awesome, scary, hard, wonderful ride so far and i can't wait for the next 5, 10, and 25 years!

anyway, here is the song:

i can't say a thing i haven't said a thousand times
we both know it's all been said and done
but i'll say it through the rest of our tomorrows
i love you, i need you - you are the only one

you are my heart, we are the same
i'm still amazed that you'd take my name
i offer you all that i have and all i am

you are my moon, you are my sun
and even now we've just begun
and when we're old and grey, and time is done
i'll still be your man - you're still my only one

of all the gifts that god could give to me
i could not ask for sweeter than you babe
and i will always fight to keep the promise i have made
to cherish and to love you just as strongly as today

you are my heart, we are the same
i'm still amazed that you'd take my name
i offer you all that i have and all i am

3:58 PM

"This Labor Day, don’t do anything and don’t go anywhere that would require a minimum-wage (or slightly above) worker to have to work. That means: skip your coffee for a day. Don’t drop off your laundry. Eat at home. Drink at home. Get gas and and your groceries on Sunday. Insist that we ALL should have this day off.


Pass it on."

right on!

9:50 AM

this new stuff with dealing with street kids in montrose has really gotten me thinking about tribes. everyone that wants to help the kids down here thinks that the kids on the streets need fire and brimstone or ultimatums. i think what they need is a new tribe. a tribe that can teach them the rhythms of loving and being loved, serving and being served. the street kids are a tribe but the cost is really high out there.

i know that we don't know what we're doing in any of this, but if the doors keep opening, i'm going to keep walking through them. i gotta say that what i've seen over the past 8 years or so that i've been on this journey is pretty amazing and quite a testament to what god can and will do to transform a community...

now if we could get the traditional church to dig in without a bunch of pre-conceived notions of proselytizing people and "saving souls," we could have a real revolution down here!

1:08 PM

like i mentioned earlier, we are about to expand alpha house to 4 more guys. we signed the lease last week and are working on getting it furnished through donations. it's a bit scary to think that i am now going to be responsible for four more guys, but there is some amazing stuff happening around here and i just want to hang on for the ride instead of getting bucked off!

we are also looking into ways that we can serve women in montrose. we signed a lease on a four bedroom house last week where we are going to take in some of the street kid mothers and their babies and start helping them find jobs and help them take care of their kids. i think once they get off the street and see what it's like to really be loved and not just used, there will be a big difference.

we are also working on a recovery house for women - there is just so little in montrose for women and i am a huge advocate for them since i got married. i never knew all the stuff women put up with from the mundane to the out of this world stuff. one thing i do know is that i would not want my wife or daughter to ever have to give or sell her body to someone just to feel safe. i'm praying that we can create a safe loving environment and hopefully help save some lives in the process.

1:01 PM

man, what a whirlwind! i went to the head doc and got some meds - we'll see if they help! the doc says i have ADHD - i don't know if i buy it, but i'm willing to try anything if it will help me be more focused and less forgetful. sometimes i feel like i can't get anything done cause i am so scattered. i will say one thing, whatever the creative streak i'm on is about, the drugs are definitely accelerating that - i have ideas for about five songs brewing - and i think i may even like them!

on another note, one of my guys was diagnosed with hiv two weeks ago and that is having some really interesting effects on our little community. it was bound to happen. we've had several guys come up with hep-c, but never hiv. we are praying for a miracle and he is really upbeat and positive so far. he is leaning into community and starting to realize that we love him and are going to support him no matter what. it's a really good thing.

by the way, does anybody out there want to give me some free advice on how to make my blog template work on every browser? this stupid top banner thing has got me perplexed....

8:41 AM