i had kind of a new thing happen to me last week. i sat down and wrote a song without meaning to - and i like it! the thing that is really interesting is that it's turned out to be a related trilogy of songs....i didn't set out to do this, but it happened. i'm pretty excited about the creative juices flowing and i wish i knew what to attribute it to, but i just don't...

9:13 AM

i stayed home with my girls today. shaun was sooooo calm and sweet the whole day (and so was aimee). it was very cool and restful. man, i love my wife and my daughter so much it hurts! why can't i do this for a living!?

6:09 PM

question authority!

1:01 PM

i've been writing a little more lately. i've been in a creative dry spell for enough years that i was sure it was gone for good! writing was always cathartic for me so when it went away, i was pretty devastated. i don't know if anything will come out in a form that i want to share, but it's kind of weird that this would happen at the busiest time of my life.

my songs have always revolved around death, sadness, the twisted side of human experience. i used to think that was a problem and that my songs had to have a "hopeful side," but i've now resolved myself to the idea that i write what comes out and sometimes it helps to get the not-hopeful out to make room for the hopeful. I'm immersed in a city and culture that is full of hopelessness, crime, poverty, drug use, sexual addiction and perversion - and this stuff stains my soul. there has to be a way to flush it out and i think this is part of that process.

i can't help but think there is room for me to write about what is real to me versus what people want to hear and if that is depressing, i'm glad for whoever it is to walk away and stop listening (don't mean that near as harsh as it sounds).

9:03 AM

i have the serious blog template blues...i hate my old one, i don't have time to tweak this one...i can't figure out how to design one in dreamweaver - i am really in blog limbo.

i also hate blogger and am ready to move, but there doesn't seem to be a point with no template in mind...oh woe is me......

10:43 AM

ok - finally here is a picture of judah holding shaun....that is kristen's head you're seeing....

11:10 AM

i'm feeling more and more anxious as the days go by. there is so much going on in my life and it's all good, but i'm starting to feel heavy. i had a talk with my mother last week that she says she's been trying to have for 10 years. there is a lot of mental illness on that side of the family and i am exhibiting some signs: anxiety, ocd, depression - nothing big, just stuff that is chemical and exacerbated by the ways that life has shaped me.

i have started smoking a cigarette or two each day after 7 months off of them. my weight is certainly going up if not staying the same. these are coping issues that i need to deal with. that is why i am seeing a psychiatrist this week. i'm gonna try some drugs to help me get even enough to try to equalize and get some major stuff underway.

i have a new daughter (she is beautiful), alpha house is expanding to two apartments this month (one is almost more than i can handle), one of my guys was diagnosed with hiv today, i'm trying to be a good husband, i go every day to a job i loathe, i have to lead worship at every gol-danged thing harbor does, aimee is not getting a paycheck for two months starting now, and i still have to take the garbage out and remember to shower!

i know that everything is okay and i'm not gonna jump off of a cliff or anything, i just feel really overwhelmed and to be honest, a bit undervalued....

ok, enough bitching and moaning - back to work!!!!

12:54 PM

for anyone who cares, i am now at www.abstractplain.com...maybe one day i'll host this elsewhere and get rid of the ugly banners that blogger forces on us!!!

11:19 AM

so joshua, kristen, and judah left a while ago and we were way sad...we got a few good pictures but my picture hosting has expired...anyone got ideas for cheap long term hosting? actually, i just need to get my domain up and running myself but i'm a bit mystified by the process...

5:04 PM

doing a bit of an overhaul right now....be patient with me!!!

8:15 PM

doing a bit of an overhaul right now....bear with me!!!

8:15 PM