age creeps up on us quickly. today at 10 in the morning, they will lay my grandfather – my father’s father - in the ground. he was 81 years old and utterly miserable. he hadn’t been happy since he buried his son – my father - five years ago. i am happy for him because he is going home. i’m sad because I’ll miss him…..i’m also sad because it reminds me that my child will never meet my father or my grandfather. both of the patriarchs are gone on this side and I never thought I would care. i must admit, i don’t particularly care, but i would like my child to have the choice based on experience.

i am a walking wound. i can’t do anything without crying….i am utterly destroyed right now. there is an indigo girls song called ghost and one of the lines says – there’s not enough room in this world for my pain…that is definitely how i feel…i can’t imagine how hard this would be if i was actually close to either one of them or even if they had been particularly adequate in their roles! daddy, granddaddy, i love you guys and i hope you are having a beer and a laugh with jesus right now.

12:40 PM

i'm sitting here in cafe artiste (where i have spent most of the day) enjoying free wireless internet and listening to music while switching over all my stuff from pc to mac. it's very fun and relaxing. nathan h. and erika were by for a while and i enjoyed their company as well. it's really nice just to relax and hang out. i have to say that the food here is stellar - if you ever get the chance come in! it is an all smoking environment, so it's not so good for kids or environmentalists, but i like it fine as i am neither. the service is non existant and it's not the cleanest place in the world, but decent coffee and wonderful food are big draws! i just had to give them props. i have recently unearthed an album in my old mp3 collection by a guy called mark heard. never really heard of him before and i can't imagine where the album came from, but i gotta say that all the best christian artists are dead! it's so sad that some of these guys aren't around to shake things up (rich mullins, keith green, and yes, mark heard). here is a sample....i'm loving it!

Orphans Of God

I will rise from my bed with a question again
As I work to inherit the restless wind
The view from my window is cold and obscene
I want to touch what my eyes haven't seen

But they have packaged our virtue in cellulose dreams
And sold us the remnants 'til our pockets are clean
'Til our hopes fall 'round our feet
Like the dust of dead leaves
And we end up looking like what we believe

We are soot-covered urchins running wild and unshod
We will always be remembered as the orphans of God
They will dig up these ruins and make flutes of our bones
And blow a hymn to the memory of the orphans of God

Like bees in a bottle we are flying at fate
Beating our wings against the walls of this place
Unaware that the struggle is the blood of the proof
In choosing to believe the unbelievable truth

But they have captured our siblings and rendered them mute
They've disputed our lineage and poisoned our roots
We have bought from the brokers who have broken their oaths
And we're out on the streets with a lump in our throats

We are soot-covered urchins running wild and unshod
We will always be remembered as the orphans of God
They will dig up these ruins
And make flutes of our bones
And blow a hymn to the memory of the orphans of God

Written by Mark Heard © 1992 Ideola Music/ASCAP

7:58 PM

went to the return of the king premier last night at midnight and got home at 4:30 this morning....three hours later i'm at work....ugh...i'm too old for this! fantastic movie. i think each one they have strayed farther from the book and this one is the most in my opinion, but i can forgive all of that - i think this is the trilogy of our time...beautiful, exciting, really pulls you in! go see it!

7:50 AM

i thought i would show everyone the other new addition to our family - the g4 powerbook! this new addition should be on my front step within a week...just ordered her today....feast your eyes!



imagey 15.2" TFT display
groovy superdrive
phat 80gb 5400 rpm ultra ata drive
512 muscular mbs of ram
ultra smooth backlit keyboard
very sexy and utterly fine aluminum casing

i am truly not worthy......

1:01 PM

so, here's a picture of our future addition, heretofore affectionately known as "armbuds"....

2:29 PM

it's kind of interesting to me that there has always been this sort of elite club that parents belong to. aimee and i are just trucking along, married, living life, perfectly happy with no kids - it fits our lifestyle and ministry! anyway, all along the way people are asking when are you having kids? what are you waiting for? what's the deal with kids? blah, blah, blah....there are also those along the way who have sort of turned their noses up at us because we choose to remain childless. i can't understand that at all. are we less cool or lovable without kids?do we have less to offer if it is JUST us? does the world need a little josh or aimee running around?

hmmm....evidently god thought so!

2:06 PM