i've been thinking about this weekend and wondering what the big deal is with post-modern....i think i would be okay if the words were never uttered again. i think the whole point was hit on a lot of times this weekend by various people - jesus. he is the point...not post-modern, modern, new...anything...hopefully if anyone is reading this at all they know that i think what's happening with wabi sabi is awesome, i just wanted to put down my thoughts as i process through...as an aside, i am also looking forward to hearing from folks who are my age, doing ministry in dark places with no monetary support. i love getting wisdom from folks that are older - i need that as a lifestyle...but i also need folks like me - not brought up in the church, never on staff at a church, living in the dark, burnt corners where the powers that be don't see, trying to make a living while trying to juggle relationships, emergencies, community, needs, wants - all that stuff....i met a few of those this weekend and it was wonderful...wish we didn't all live so far away, but maybe that is by god's design - struggle makes us strong - right? wow, stream of consciousness much???

2:24 PM

wow - we had a great time at wabi sabi! it was so cool meeting all these great people that are all trying to do the same thing - make disciples! i so enjoyed talking music and life with andrew rudd, lots of hugs and english accents from andrew young, commiseration and great conversation with joshua and kristen, blessing and laughs from andy and bea, listening and encouragement from the tall skinny kiwi guy, hanging out time with charlie from south africa/colorado springs, smokes from my red headed dj friend....met lots of other folks - what a great time! if i left anyone out, may my ears ring until i remember and rectify! hope everyone there had a good time as well.

1:01 PM

just got back from the first night of wabi sabi - great fun, very chilly, lots of cool people! more later...yeh?

1:55 AM

oh yeah, and as an addendum to my post 45 seconds ago, let me reference an earlier post:
jesus - thank you for everything - even through gritted teeth and self righteous posing....thank you for everything!!

9:52 PM

church church church - i'm sick of it all! i.....see....dead....people....man, i am screwed up. taking out my anger and frustration on a keyboard!!! church is this, church is that...if it isn't a building, then what is it??? (perhaps a whore waiting to wear white?) if it isn't a scripted on time gathering, what is it??? (maybe a longing to be with her husband?) shouldn't we all respond to god the same way??? argggghhhh i'm pulling my hair out! (the bride of christ maybe?) i'm just glad this isn't public.....

9:51 PM

we just met and kidnapped andrew young from sheffield and we had him playing drums and guitar in the house band very quickly! we're having a great time....about to cook food and eat together with roy, ted, aimee, erika, andrew, and me. praise god for new friends!

6:30 PM

jesus - thank you for everything!

it rained last night and for a few moments this morning, everything seemed clean....the sheen of filth and smog was lifted for a glorious moment reminding me of how wonderful and gracious you are. the truck started, aimee and i were both on time to work, the bank account is positive, we are going to austin for the weekend and wabi-sabi...there is so much to thank you for! i can' t wait to meet so many of the folks that i have been reading about! christen this gathering - like a mighty wind blow over your children, show us your face and speak to us - we are listening!!

amen

9:52 AM

here is a guy that is supposedly the only live journal type thing coming out of baghdad...

check it out

dear raed

12:11 PM

i pray that i may be quit of god that i may find god - meister eckhard

we must get rid of the cultural, societal ideas of god if we are ever going to know him! be like little children - trust, obey, listen, hear, play....we have 2000 years of preconceived notions about who and what god is, so i say we throw them out and start over! not from an american or european or fundamental or liberal or conservative or republican or democrat or jew or gentile viewpoint (as the great gordon gano of the violent femmes has weighed in on the subject: i am n-o-t-h-i-n, i am n-o-t-h-i-n, i'm nothin!), but from a listening and hearing and still and open viewpoint! okay, i'm done....

10:11 AM

the wood song
the thin horizon of a plan is almost clear
my friends and i have had a tough time
bruising our brains hard up against change
all the old dogs and the magician
now i see we're in the boat in two by twos
only the heart that we have for a tool we could use
and the very close quarters are hard to get used to
love weighs the hull down with its weight
but the wood is tired and the wood is old
and we'll make it fine if the weather holds
but if the weather holds we'll have missed the point
that's where i need to go
no way construction of this tricky plan
was built by other than a greater hand
with a love that passes all our understanding
watching closely over the journey
yeah but what it takes to cross the great divide
seems more than all the courage i can muster up inside
although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side
the prize is always worth the rocky ride
but the wood is tired and the wood is old
and we'll make it fine if the weather holds
but if the weather holds we'll have missed the point
that's where i need to go
sometimes i ask to sneak a closer look
skip to the final chapter of the book
and then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
to get us where we are this far yeah
but the question drowns in it's futility
and even i have got to laugh at me
no one gets to miss the storm of what will be
just holding on for the ride
the wood is tired and the wood is old
we'll make it fine if the weather holds
but if the weather holds we'll have missed the point
that's where i need to go
**words and music emily saliers
copyright 1994 bmi virgin music inc and godhap music (bmi)**

10:54 AM

navel-gazing....seems like a lot of us do an awful lot of that. mine's pretty easy to gaze at because it sits upon a very big belly....hmmmm...i feel a john berryhill metaphor coming on...could it be that all the navel gazing is making us fatter and more satisfied with ourselves to the point that we no longer feel any need to spread life (the gospel) to all the skinny people out there that don't spend much time on self evaluation? i'm just noticing that myself and my contemporaries are awfully prone to selfishness. i know, i know, we were raised by the "me" folks, but damn, we've become the "me, me - more, more" generation! alright everyone, roll up your pants and wade into the crap a little! i'm pretty sure that jesus said - go make disciples - so what are we waiting for? i know, organic...i know, uncomfortable...i know, we're not ready...was lydia ready? was rahab? was peter for the love of god? none of them were ready - he didn't say be perfect, he said do my work and obey my commands...come on now!

10:47 AM

went to the mechanic this morning and big blue has lots of problems. lots more than we can afford. i continue to walk the thin line between faith and doubt on this money stuff and i think the problem might be that his ways are not my own. i want and need things to be taken care of in a way that i understand. okay, i can go with that in a pseudo-psycho need thing - like in relationships "down here." the problem for me is that "the wisdom of god is foolishness to me(n)." i had a conversation with erika last night about god taking care of her plane ticket to prague and we realized that we were asking for god to make it cheap and easy and not just asking him to take care of it - period. seems like an ongoing theme in my life. yes, i believe that we should be clear in our petitions to the father - but sometimes i'm so clear that what i am doing is less like faith and a lot more like doubt.......so, god, take care of big blue for me....

2:15 PM

the question was posed to me today: "how do you think communal living contributes to the making of disciples?" i think my answer is "i don't know." i'm leaning towards this state of mind that takes the impulses and thoughts i have, submits them to the father in prayer, tests them against scripture and then either does or does not implement them on that basis. hmmm....revolutionary, i know. i'm a product of a reactionary culture with very little credence given to the patience of a process. i want everything in little snippets - but super sized, of course! i need sound bytes, i need flashing colors, i need fast or you might lose me! so, i guess this isn't really a post about communal living after all - it's about me deciding to "be still and know that he is god." excellent - he is god, i am not, he tells me what to do, i do it. so i'm trying not to be too worried about the big picture stuff so that i can be more faithful in the little stuff. i will listen, be still, receive, listen some more, and move......

10:05 AM

it occurs to me that life tends to be lived in a bubble...or am i convinced that most of us don't live life? maybe a little of both. i feel like i want to bust out of my skin and all of the expectations and pressures that i feel. i want to change the world instead of hiding from it. i want my heart to break with the anguish of lost love and missed friends, not from the anguish of regret. i want to laugh so hard that it hurts and cry so hard it hurts more. i want to dance. okay, so maybe i'm not much of a dancer, but i want to break free from the constraints of time and place and artificial duty and jump and reach my arms toward heaven and scream and shout and sing! i want to feel the dew on my fingers and toes and the sun on my face! i wanna live!!

2:54 PM

so i'm reading this article about the restaurants on capitol hill changing french fries and french toast to freedom fries and freedom toast to "send a message" to france about this stupid war. i just have to say that everything i thought about politics and politicians has been confirmed...it's all a bunch of crap! do these guys have any grasp on reality at all? and then, cnn has a poll for americans to agree or disagree with this "important gesture." ay, caramba! does anybody know that thousands of lives are in the balance - both ours and theirs....surely we can think of better ways to spend our time than worrying about what the food is called on capitol hill...

11:36 AM